~ What’s In That Unavailable Soul? ~

Paradoxically, emo unavailable man often has a mess of confused emotions undergoing inside. But he makes sure to never let them show. And surely not to a woman.

Telling a woman about his feelings seems like pleading officially guilty and condemning himself to a voluntary confinement.
In rare cases he may confess having some warm emotions towards a lady, but will immediately throw a disclaimer, saying that it doesn’t change anything.

Emo unavailable may fall in love – he is still a human, you know – but he will never admit he did, not even to himself. Besides, having special feelings for one woman does not interfere with his  interest in others.

With some sort of insight you can know if your emo unavailable has feelings for you, even though he won’t say; or you can simply switch to a more available one that will have no problem reminding you each day how precious you are.
But check and see if the one that texts you ‘I miss you’ twenty times per day actually feels more captivating than the one that sends a couple of short emo-iconless messages per month.

What drags women towards a walking relationship-disasters?
Well, once again, emo unavailable is usually a roughly charming, self-standing and sophisticated male. And his ambiguity and emotional immaturity gives women the impression of mystery and challenge.
There is still so much more to discover about him – whether it’s a deep tremendous world of his unexplored emotions, or a trivial narcissism.

Besides, women are hunters too, you know, and way more persistent than male ones, once they set a target.
Plus a bit of maternal instinct and a tricky savior complex often have women directing their love and care at punky problematic individuals.

Having a lot of love inside, we are always willing to give it to those who might use some, even if they deny they do and are least worth it. Helping somebody open up to love becomes our personal assignment.

Emo unavailable is surely interested in kind beautiful women that are ready to counsel him for free, and give some extras, but is definitely not looking to discover a romantic love with them in return for their heart chakra energy and time investment.

Emo unavailable are not the ones that just need a little bit of love and patience – they are troubled, confused souls that in fact long for attention but muddle the feelings of those who give them any.

Most often they have emotional childhood traumas and unresolved issues with parents, or a history of unhappy relationships.

And some are simply born with no ability to experience empathy towards other people’s feelings whatsoever.

In any case, you are not the one to give him psychotherapy sessions and work on his personality deficiencies – even all your love won’t fix them.

You may be a rather insightful emphatic woman, but if you don’t have a license in counseling – don’t go in his forest. You might surely find your way around there and show him the way out of the wild (with you), but you will be surprised to discover that he already knows the way and he is just reluctant to leave. He is comfortable in his emotional covert.

If you invest your emotions, time and understanding into such man, he will probably get closer and interested to keep you around. But he will also learn that you have a high level of endurance and empathy towards anything he may pull, so he will happily settle with it and start taking your presence and insight for granted.

What you will get in return is emotionally unavailable brat on your hands – not letting you close in his life and not letting you go out of it – comfortably feeding on your energy and giving you audience whenever he feels like.

He may love to have you around because you love talking about his issues, adding value to his egocentric self. While with other women, who don’t care about his emotional mess, he has to talk about them instead.

That’s why he hates the idea of relationships to his guts – relationships are women-oriented and involve a lot of talking. Besides, relationships place him in a responsible position for a woman’s happiness. While he already has one prima to take care of – himself, and this is whose happiness he is working on.

Whether he be with you or not isn’t at all up to you – he must find his own benefits of being with you – whether it’s really an extraordinary attraction, subtle resemblance to his mother, or simply using you for something.

Emo unavailable is a relationship disaster, but as a human we mentioned above, he sure has some feelings as well, and is even able to get into quite a decent relationship, granted he gets some serious enlightenment from above that will conduce it.

But he will take a long painful thinking time deciding to do so, and measuring if a woman is really that special and is really worth the compromise.

If you choose to stick to emo unavailable, grab a huge backlog of patience along the way and try to detach from him emotionally as much as possible, while he is measuring on his decision.

Get a hobby, concentrate on your job and your self. And don’t tune out other interesting people that you might meet along that way – that might as well speed up his decision.

You miss him, and that’s understood. But don’t tie yourself to him and stay clunking the volumes off your heart chakra on that unavailable energy-stealer. Direct some of that love energy on your close people and your further self development, so that in case he decides to creep away into his jungles, you will not end up an emotional wreck yourself and have something interesting to fill your time with.


9 thoughts on “~ What’s In That Unavailable Soul? ~

  1. I know men of that type:( I think it’s something with Anahata chakra – the unability to lead out that kind of energy because of some blocks. He would like to give you those feelings, but he doesn’t know how :|

    • block on heart chakra sets in childhood when a kid didn’t get love he needed from one of his parents or have grown up in a stressful or unhappy family environment.

      such people live and learn to hide their feelings, sadly.

  2. Dear Sofia,
    Let me start off by saying that I am a Sensitive and Empathetic person. I was so ready and open for love, I asked the Universe for someone I could have a soul to soul connection with, a deep emotional bond with. And a man, walked into my life. There was something magnetic even though I resisted. He had some problems with overtaking medication prescribed to him. In the beginning I said to him, I can’t continue this with you. We are not alike. I don’t have that lifestyle. I am a hard working mother. He said you are judging me, I’m a good person. I said I am not judging you. Then I started to think, everyone has issues, why not give him a chance. So I did. And when I finally came around to meeting him again, I felt this strong feeling in me for him. No, it was not a feeling of changing him. I fully accepted him, supported him with his struggles, encouraged him and tried to inspire him. On a deep level, I felt like I understood him. The things he said no one has ever done for him I provided, home cooked meals, love, cards, gift and attention on holidays. He would say I was the best, I’m an angel. He said he loved me after I said I loved him. He said when he first saw me, he saw something in me. He could see himself being in a relationship with me. Fast forward, a month later he started to change. No calls, no visits. I was making all of the effort. Everything was about him. He needs to detox and needs support. I was there. He has childhood issues. I was listening, provided a shoulder. He told me all of his problems, told me secrets. He said he trusted me so much and I was the only person he could open up to. He also talked down to me, would say things to get a rise out of me. He indeed was emotionally unstable. He was emotionally unavailable. At the 3 month mark he was gone. He became mean, wanted nothing to do with me. He told me he was going to rehab the next week. Wouldn’t give me any more information. Sofia, he lied to me. He hasn’t gone to rehab. I passed his house and saw his car, so I went there to return his shirt. There was another car parked in the drive way. He was seeing another woman already. One week after our break up. That same day, I texted him earlier because I was looking for support. My mom was in the hospital suffering from a broken neck because of a slip and fall. I told him that and he did not respond to me. That’s when another car in his driveway flashed before my eyes. I went to his house because I saw that in my mind. And when I got there, like I said, there was a car in his driveway. I am very thankful for the closure but it hurts. EVERYTHING YOU WROTE ABOUT IS EXACTLY HOW HE WAS. All of his stories were stories of pity. I started to feel mentally and physically drained from his problems. He was robbing my spirit. But I was believing him. I believed in him on a deep level. I am not a desperate or weak woman and I don’t just accept anyone in my life. He was different, why? I accepted him, why? I asked the Universe for a soul to soul connection with someone. And he walked into my life, why? I was and still am, open, ready, willing and karma clear for love. He is emotionally unavailable and knew he didn’t want what I wanted. Seems like he preyed on me. There are so many lessons that could be learned here but what was the Universe doing for me? Bringing an emotionally unavailable man in my life so I can realize how great it would feel when the Universe blesses me with a man who is vibrationally aligned with me?

    Thank you so much for your time Sofia and I can’t wait for your response!

    • Dear Erica,
      I really appreciate you shared your story and opened up… I give you a virtual hug. That kind of pain hurts. It’s painful to care for someone and get little to nothing of that in return.. Empathy is a spiritual gift of a soul, but we have our human expectations, of course.
      Don’t mean to sound too metaphysical here, but, roughly, this is how the universe throws us asignments and tests our ability for unconditional love.
      ‘Unconditional love’ doesn’t mean that we have to adore everyone who hurts us. Misinterpreted New Age concept. ‘Unconditional love’ is the state of a soul, ability to sustain that high vibrational frequency inside a heart chakra that can be directed at anything needing it, but that doesn’t drop down in case it was not well received or appreciated. = they hurt you, not your problem! You have that beautiful vibration of love inside that those who hurt you, dear less fortunate peopls, don’t have, because their heart is not capable of sustaining such high vibration.
      It hurts because love and care invested didn’t give any visible return in form of reciprocity. See, I stress ‘visible’, because believe me, emotionally unavailable men do see what you do for them, how you care and love, rare individuals are really dead-stone-hearted cases, most emo unavailable see and feel gratitude and affection for you in return. But they don’t give vent to emotions.
      In fact, when someone manages to touch some really deep strings in the soul of emotionally unavailable, he or she is most likely to run away. Becaue the resonance causes them to address their tormented feelings, old emotional trauma and present adult issues.
      And way too often in order to silence their touched emotions, and keep ego comfort zones, emo unavailable leave and switch to different partners.
      You are an HS (highly sensitive) empathetic person, such hearts are able to love and give in enormous quantities. For HS everything in the world is louder, sharper, more deeply affecting than to other average ‘normal’ people…
      You’ve helped that man a lot, and good thing is that you rang some emergency bells he needs to address, such as mood swings and temper issues. He is aware of it himself. He will run away for a while to find temporary peace with women who care less for his confused emotional world and won’t be urging him to get a councelling…
      Just believe here that everyone reaches their truth at their pace and their own time. We meet people, love them and give our advice and assistance on the way. It’s really up to them whether to take it or not.
      By the way, you did everything best. Maybe this man was a catalyst for your next better relationship. Because love ‘pumped’, open heart chakra is like a magnet that eventually attracts the alike!

  3. Sofia, I am so happy I found your blog. It took me so long to understand the guy I was seeing. I never met emo before or dated one, so it sure was very painful. At first I thought the guy is playing games with me, then, with more talking, I realized there was no games. He is very emo. I read another blogger Natalie from uk , she has a whole book about them, I started following her blogs but I didn’t see any hopes in it for myself. I am very emphathetic woman, many of your blogs are related to me. I met him a year ago, started with texts, one text per 1.5 month, no dates, then invited me to second date after 4 months. Then nothing because of the summer break, then he likes my post on Facebook,that I am back and happy to be home, I initiated the talk, he invites on a 3 rd date, after that I saw him once a week, he was always acting very busy, I was very confused, not realizing at the moment his diagnosis. After seeing him for 2 months, he got close to me, I asked him if he ever loved anyone, and why we meet only on his terms, when it’s convenient to him. He ran away, he got up, and ran to the door. Then told me we will only be freinds. That’s when I suspected something must be wrong with him and started reading and searching, and doing it still.
    I am a single mom, and I trusted him so much, I didn’t want to be hurt, my daughter loves him. I thought that sometimes when you stay friends for a while, the guy may change his mind, he told me last week, to find a boyfriend. But he wants to help me, he texted me today asking if I need any help and to let him know if I need anything.
    I always thought if a guy cares, he must love me, but now reading your article I understand him better. It seems to me he wants me around, keep his foot in my life, even told me that will watch my child while I am dating, that was so hurtful to hear. I decided to not initiate contact, not accept his help, and walk away. I still hope for his return, it helps me to wake up every day and know that my dream of being with him will come true. At the same time I continue meeting other guys, but this one is so special, we work in the same place, he was like my mentor, intelligent, handsome, but emo.
    I am still being nice to him, trying to show on FB that I am not hurt, my posts are all showing that I am in loved with my child, career, all good things.
    In the town where I live, it’s very rare to meet someone from my country, and that’s another aspect I was attracted to, he is from my country, and we even work together, but I would have never met him, it was on accident. And of course, he is successful, he has all the qualities I wanted in my husband.
    I don’t know if we will reunite, if he changes his mind and realizes that we are the ones for him. I think he is very hurt by divorce, 5 years ago. It was initiated by her, I can see how hard it is to live with him on his terms. But I also see how he can be a very good father for my child, and he likes spending time with her, just not me.
    I waited for a year for this guy to move, now I will try to emotionally detach from him, per your advise. I just wish I knew the diagnosis earlier, so I could be prepared. Sofia, thank you for your blogs.

  4. Dear Sofia,
    loved this piece too. Wish if my EUH read this blog. Of course, I know it is not going to effect him or change him a bit, but he may get a better picture of himself.

  5. I’m pretty sure these so called emos are possessed by Satan. Don’t even label them emos, they are just immature, selfish, lost souls that are possessed by Satan. Praying for them is the best thing you can do to release them from Satan’s bondage.

  6. I’m in love with a EUman. We dated for 8 months this year until he dropped me for another woman. It was always on his terms and told me he did not want a relationship. I fell in a deep depression when he left me. He became distant and rude if I contacted him. It’s been 3 months and the new woman left him. He contacted me last week and said he was available again…..Of course I was flattered and jumped for his text because I’m a damaged woman. I want him and love him because IF he accepts me, I will be loved by my Mother who didn’t love me. It’s the love we didn’t get as a child that we crave.
    I know I’m just sex to him. My self worth is low and I would accept crumbs from him….
    Terribly sad I know. But that longing for love from only HIM is so strong. I’ve dated many other men and no one else compares. HELP….
    Im in therapy. I know he’s bad for me. I just LOVE this man/ childlike boy. If I can heal him, I’ll heal my childhood….so sad!

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